Offended

First of all, this topic seems to point to the condition of our sinful nature and our struggle with sin as individuals. However, the problem of “Offenses” also speaks to the greater problem real followers of Christ are up against. Did I say “real followers”? The wrap on Christianity from the secular worldview is that we are simply hypocrites. Why? That little problem of Obedience (defined as “complying with or submissive to authority”). We know that Christ is the “authority” and that we are to comply and be submissive to Him. So why are we labeled “hypocrites”? Is it possible that the vast majority of Christians are really not followers at all rather, enthusiastic admirers who want to be close enough to Jesus to get all the benefits, but not so close that it requires anything from them? If everyone who claims to be a Christian actually did what the word says, would there be any merit to the claim that we are all hypocrites? Look, Christians are either followers or they are hypocrites. As stated in James 1:22 “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says…”


Offenses can cause harm to relationship and since our entire human experience is all about relationships, I think it must be important to understand what God says about the subject. So, what does the Word of God say about this topic?

A lot! The Bible talks about being offended 73 times.

IF you have something against someone (Taking Offense):
• Ephesians 4:26 “and, don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” The Bible doesn’t tell us that we should not feel angry, but it points out that it is important to handle our anger properly. If vented thoughtlessly, anger can hurt others and relationships. If bottled up inside, it can cause us to become bitter and destroy us from within. Paul tells us to deal with our anger immediately in a way that builds relationships rather than destroys them. If we nurse our anger, we will give the devil an opportunity to divide us.

• Matthew 18:15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense…” These are Jesus’ guidelines for dealing with those who sin against us. They were meant for (1) Christians, not unbelievers, (2) sins committed against you and not others, and (3) conflict resolution in the context of the church, not the community at large. Jesus’ words are not a license for a frontal attack on every person who hurts or slights us. They are not a license to start a destructive gossip campaign or to call for a church trial. They are designed to reconcile those who disagree so that all Christians can live in harmony. When someone wrongs us, we often do the opposite of what Jesus recommends. We turn away in hatred or resentment, seek revenge, or engage in gossip. By contrast, we should go to that person first, as difficult as that may be. Then we should forgive that person as often as he or she needs it. This will create a much better chance of restoring the relationship.

If you know someone has something against you (Giving Offense):
Watch out! God also has something to say to us if we have knowledge that we may have offended someone else.
Matthew 5:23-24 “So, if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave you sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” Broken relationships can hinder our relationship with God. If we have a problem or a grievance with a friend, we should resolve the problem as soon as possible. We are hypocrites if we claim to love God while we hate others. Out attitudes toward others reflect our relationship with God.

What happens if we let offenses “settle in”? Bitterness!
Hebrews 12:15 “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you , corrupting many”. Like a small root that grows into a great tree, bitterness springs up in our hearts and overshadows even our deepest Christian relationships. A “poisonous root of bitterness” comes when we allow disappointment to grow into resentment, or when we nurse grudges over past hurts. Bitterness brings with it jealousy, dissension, and immorality. When the Holy Spirit fills us, however, he can heal the hurt that causes bitterness.

How should we deal with an offense?
First off, we need to learn to overlook the offense not the person. Luke 6:27-28 “But to those who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. pray for those who hurt you.” Jesus wasn’t talking about having affection for our enemies; he was talking about an act of the will. You can’t “fall into” this kind of love – it takes conscious effort. Loving our enemies means acting in their best interests. We can pray for them, and we can think of ways to help them. Grant them the same respect and rights as you desire yourself.

So, what are the steps:
1. Ask yourself: Is this an offense or a conviction? What? We must be careful that we do not mistake the two. We need people to tell us the truth and when they do we must consider whether there is any truth in what they are saying. If so, then own it and don’t get offended.

2. Consider the person who has offended you: Is this person a friend or do you consider them an enemy (a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent)?

3. Remind yourself: I am NOT just an enthusiastic admirer rather, I am follower of Christ and followers do what the word says.

4. Trust God: Bring this matter to the Lord by seeking Him through prayer and petition. Go to the Word and trust what God is telling you.

5. Take Action: Take courage, lay down your rights and expectations and immediately go to that person to discuss the offense. Invite the Lord into your conversation, bring honor, seek forgiveness and reconciliation. The goal is to build the relationship not destroy it.

Is there ever a time when it is good to offend someone?

Yes. When it is done in the right spirit (the Holy Spirit) to stand up for truth or righteousness. Comfort the afflicted and convict the comfortable – if we do this, chances are you will offend people and there is nothing wrong with that.

So now what?

Examine yourself:

• Who do I have an offense with?

• Who have I offended?

Clothe yourself with humility, lay down your pride and go – now, and make it right with them

God certainly has spoke to me personally through this study and I pray that you too may have recieved His wisdom in this teaching.

God bless

David Engman